done!!

I've finsihed all my four tests, sixteen papers, in the past two weeks. so I am done! See ya Saturday Simpson!

so frustrated

What upset me more than anything is when I actually work really really hard on something and still fail. If I don't study for a test very much and get a D it doesn't phase me. But, when I see my fiance work his ass off to pass a math exam just so he can graduate college, after his advisor and registar already screwed him over, and he doesn't pass it kills me on the inside. We both worked extremely hard, to fail. All that we want right now is the security of our degree, and a job. I don't know where either one is. I wasn't going to stress, I wasn't going to get nervous, and I wasn't going to get scared. Now, I am scared. Money is running out, time is running out and I have never felt more helpless. If I could screw Simpson over, the way they screwed me over, I would. If I could do anything that would make someone who I am paying there salary actually care about my and my sitatuations as human being than I would take back every piece of shit that I have said about them. But I can't and that makes me more angery than I have ever felt in my life.

Sudoku and Text Messaging

So, here I am... a 22 year old who is paying thousands of dollars for an education. The glamor life of a college student always thrilled me when I was younger. Learning was also a close second. Yet, somehow along the way I ended up here, right where I am sure I belong.

I take my education very seriously (and sometimes when I want to daydream of my wedding somewhat seriously)... Either way I am here. I try. I work hard. I listen. I show up. I am an overachiever.

Yet, my five digit tuition apparently is not worth the last four digits. I sit in many classes and think to myself, What in the world is my teacher trying to accomplish? Most often, to my utter disappointment, I resolve myself to believe they show up every morning only for a pay check. I shutter at this thought yet my evidence solidifies it. Why else would they be so awful. Why else would they be unprepared, and why else would they be so boring?

The other side of this reality... the lack of accountibility they have. If they were held acocuntable, or any other person higher on the food chain showed up to even one class I guarantee they would loose their jobs due to lack of relivance and intelectual stimuli of their teaching.

Yet there is a paycheck, and there is no accountability. So here I sit, another day playing Sodoku and Text Messaging.

My Lipstick Jungle

I should start this by informing you if you are unaware that Redding is not the business capitol of the world. In fact it is probably the furthest thing from it. However as I navigate my way to success in this little city I feel as though it is my New York...Ok that is the optomistic stance I have decided to take since I am stuck here for the next four months.. but none the less I am tricking myself into believe if I can navigate my way through this semester I will soon be on my way to my lipstick jungle...even if that is another church cluttered, economic disaster of a town! ;)

So why I am I boring you with this... this is because I want to point out the obvious that no one informed me off a week ago: If you are determined you hate where you at you will be miserable! I did not want to be here, in fact I still don't. I want to be married, on my honeymoon, on the beach in Florida. But then my girlfriends and I started planning a girls night and it struck me: I only have four months of these left! (Now I know we will have more after but not the easy planning, all living in the same town, come to my house I have the martini's already type). So my new goal: Enjoy those time and navigate my way through the bad!

Just in case you were wondering ;)

Evening of Terror

Being the woman that I am I need atleast seven good hours of sleep before I am up for my twelve to thirteen hour days flooded with the gym, school, work, my volunteer position to organize this huge event (where my can't say no bit me in the ass this year) and planning a wedding. There is no room for error.

Error however their quite often is. As I was headed to lay down in my comfy flannel sheets ready to start dreaming the night away all of a sudden I remembered I need to check on something in my inbox. This something was supposed to put me to sleep like a baby, peacefully knowing everything would be ok, was not! Quite the opposite and so now I lay awake for hours wonderinghow to fix the unfixable.

What does one do when the life they have worked so hard for bites them in the butt? What does one doe when they don't have time to undo what has been done?

These are the reasons that I have started my land far far away. Whether read or not here will be my thoughts, adventures, and reasons for wishing for a land that is far far away!